It's taken me eight years to share this story, because it isn't just my story. It belongs to my family and community too, and it's taken time to reflect on how to honor my brothers, Luke and Sam.
When I was four, my brother Luke passed away from SIDS. I didn't have the words to process that loss, so I stored the emotions in my body and suppressed them from my conscious memory system.
To say Sam was just a brother doesn't do his presence in my life justice. Big brother, friend, confidant, cheerleader. His friends were my friends and vice versa.
Decades later, when Sam died by suicide, I recognized the same emotions. The pain from losing Luke resurfaced. I didn't realize it at the time, but following Sam's death, I'd have to unpack losing Luke all those years ago.
When I found out Sam died, my world collapsed from underneath me.
I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, and was crippled by agonizing stomach cramps. Up until that point, I'd been a busy physiotherapist running my own clinic. But a deep and profound shock had changed my nervous system, and grit and stoicism wouldn't help here.
I needed to work with this pain in a different way. This became my mission.
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Three weeks after Sam's death, I traveled to the US to study the brain and nervous system, focusing on trauma, stress, and neuroplasticity. This is something I'd been planning prior to losing Sam, but his passing only strengthened my resolve.
I'd been working as a physiotherapist for over a decade, and over time had become convinced that to truly help my patients, I needed to look beyond physical symptoms.
I got to know dysregulation well. I would swing up to the highs of anxiety and lie awake on so many nights. I would also find myself collapsed and exhausted, unable to muster the energy to face any challenges or demands.
Although I'd tried to talk through my experiences, replaying these excruciating events left me feeling more anxious and hopeless than before.
Talking was like reactivating my body's urge to heal, and I felt stuck in these cycles. I soon realized that I needed to take a nervous system, body-centered approach, and that regulation was something I could proactively do myself.
I went on a two-year journey of upheaval, loss, growth, and transformation. I really learned to "walk the talk" as I studied neuroplasticity, interoception, and vagus nerve stimulation.
My work transformed, as I began to help my patients understand the link between their emotional pain and physical symptoms like chronic pain and gut issues.
My patients wanted to learn more, and I soon developed the Vagus Nerve Workshop. I ran sell-out events Australia-wide, which then evolved into the 8-week Vagus Nerve Program.
Back then, I never thought I'd have the honor and the privilege of supporting almost 20,000 people through their own healing journey.
My work has expanded in ways that I could never have imagined eight years ago. From TEDx speaker to delivering keynotes to first responders and groups like New South Wales Police. From starting my own research project on the vagus nerve to collaborating with world experts.
It still blows me away.
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Today, I empower health professionals and coaches to deliver nervous system-informed care through the Nervous System Certification Course. This will have a big impact on the lives of many people.
For those who feel stuck or helpless, they'll be supported by people who understand traumatic stress and can break free from dysregulation.
What I now know is that while no two experiences are the same, everyone will experience grief, loss, stress, or trauma at some stage.
It's the price we pay for living a wholehearted life.
I believe that trauma is not only something we can heal from, but that the process of recovering brings far-reaching emotional and spiritual transformation.
It has a powerful way of teaching us what's important and where our true purpose lies.
Nervous system work can break the cycles of inter-generational trauma. It builds healthier families and communities.
It allows us to see ourselves and other people with deeper insight and understanding. It eases suffering and frees us from the past.
It helps us feel safe and at home in our bodies again.
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